Unstoppable

Here I come to face the day
I feel unstoppable, nothing can stand in my way
What can I fear when I feel so alive
When I'm in control, it seems life can't deprive
When I feel so confident and sure of myself
When I like what's in the mirror, not wish I was someone else
But I don't always feel this way
This isn't my average day
The negative is easier to see
Stressed out is easier to be
It takes a lot to put on a smiley face
Frustration and exhaustion replace kindness and grace
It's time to turn that around
For better things I'm bound
Run the race that's marked out for you
And brighten someone else's day too

Chances

When life offers you a chance, take it. Don't shrug it off, thinking another one will come along. because more often that not, they won't. You'll think about going for something, but then think, "Eh, I guess I'm not up for that right now." But you don't. And you make excuses....a lot of them. "I don't have time", "I'm not good enough", "It's too expensive", "I just can't do it". Or maybe you convince yourself that another chance will come along. Well guess what? If you let life pass you by, you will regret it! You'll look back years later and ask yourself, I wonder what would've happened if I had gone for it. What's the worst that could happen? You screw up? Well, at least you gave it your best try :)

Life Song

How can I live up to your standards? You're perfect. Not a one single flaw, immaculate in every way. That's too much to ask of me. I could never even compare to you. I don't understand so many things. I mess up in irreparable ways but you can fix anything. It doesn't seem fair, that you would choose me. Grateful? Yes. Make sense? No. I don't deserve your love, yet you give it to me anyway. No matter how many times I say I'll change for the better, I stay the same. My desire can fluctuate from time to time. One moment I'll be on the exact same page with you and feel so alive that I feel like dancing, and I don't care who's watching. The next second, you'll be the last thing on my mind. And I know it, but I don't care. It's a cycle, up and down all the time. There's no such thing as in the middle. Either I'm on fire, or I'm not. This is my life song to you. In this crazy life I live, I give you my permission to be first. In everything. In school, tennis, track, basketball managing, show choir, work, friendships, family.....you take top priority. It's all for you. My love will never be fake, although it may be in short supply at times, it will always be real.

Shopping: The Pros and Cons

I am a girl so it's a give-in that me and shopping go together like a fat kid and French Fries. I'm not a shopaholic (I don't have enough money for that) but when I get the chance I buy what I can!

I "oooh" and "awe" over the clothes in the front, more expensive part of the store. One glance at most of the price tags usually has me sighing and heading for the clearance racks. The nice part is I usually find something I really like anyway. But I've got to keep myself in check, though. I don't want to end up walking up the cash register with 3 shirts and a necklace, have the clerk add up the total to $60, and realize I only have $45.

Another thing that is quite irrating is seeing a cute shirt on a mannequin and then trying it on....only to realize that the mannequin's figure made the shirt look a heck of a lot better! Definitely a slam to the old self-esteem. So I always make sure I try on clothes before I buy them. That is my least favorite part the whole experience. I hate trying clothes on. It's time consuming & makes my hair look like Ozzy Ozbourne's. But I have to do it because if I don't, it always ends up that I'll try it on at home and won't like it. Then I'll have to return it...yada yada yada. Way more work than it's worth. So it's better to just put up with it.

Another thing that bugs me is how the local mall seems to have less good stores every year (not that it had a whole lot to begin with). We lost Bath and Body and Claire's....pure insanity! Why can't they get rid of the stores we don't need, like Schneisers and Christopher and Banks?? And have they ever heard of adding better stores, like Aeropostale, Hollister, American Eagle, PacSun, Charlotte Russe, Abercrombie...? Hello! A mall is for teenagers! (Well pretty much) And for goodness sake, can we get some FOOD in the food court?? An A&W, Culver's, Wendy's, KFC...you know actual restaurants?

I guess that's more cons than pros, but I think the pros outweigh the cons :)

Disruptions

Do you ever get those brief moments throughout the day where you remember something funny? Maybe it was from this morning, or yesterday, or last week, or maybe even last year. You try unsuccessfully to resist the urge to laugh out loud. You fail....miserably. Ok ok, think of something sad, you tell yourself.....not working. Plan B: clamp your mouth shut with a nearby object: tape, your hand, someone else's hand.... If all the above don't work, hold your breath. For as long as need may be. Eventually you will pass out and then you won't be able to laugh, thereby leaving the class disruption-free. Problem solved! Although I've never got to the last step....

So this happens to me quite often. If the incident on my mind is particularly funny I have an even harder time controlling myself. Most of them only being funny to me and a couple friends.

Speaking of disrupting, one of the most annoying, embarrassing things that frequently happens to me during class is my stomach grumbling. I eat a healthy breakfast, definitely filling me up. So WHY does my stomach feel the need to complain?? I know when someone else can hear it, when the kid next to me turns his head to look at me, gives me a confused look, and starts laughing. I have to assure them it's my stomach! :S My stomach and I will have to have a serious talk, I'm going to tell it that this behavior will not be tolerated.

Moving On

It's ok
I forgive you
Not a problem!
No worries!
It was an accident :)
I will be ok.

It's what I say when someone does me wrong. It's an automatic response.
If only I said what I really mean....

It's not ok.
I can't deal with this
How could you??
You should have known what this would do to me.
I'm not ok.

I have to be strong, pain will go away eventually if I just tough it out.
But I know, deep down, that when the cut is deep, it will never go away away.
It will fade, and maybe even be unnoticable to the rest of the world.
But I can still feel it.
And it's still there.
And no matter how much I try to forget, try to move on, it always will be.

It's not a conscious thing, more like a stain on the wall. You only remember it's there when you see it.

And yes I will recover, and I will heal.
And over time I will forget, not completely, but enough.
Maybe the memory won't even be painful, I can only hope.

Versus

Waking up when the alarm goes off vs. hitting the snooze button and sleeping for just another 2.....5.....10.....20 minutes.

Elegant brown eyeliner with black mascara and purple eye shadow vs. natural (a.k.a no make-up!) can you imagine???

Cute new shirt from hollister with some skinny jeans from American Eagle and the best darn smelling perfume you have vs. sweatshirt, sweatpants, & flip flops.

Healthy breakfast, some oatmeal and orange juice (not mixed together!) vs. a poptart and lucky charms with a cappacino to go!

Brushing your teeth vs. chewing a stick of gum to cover up your morning breath that could wipe out an entire city if unleashed

To stare at the cuttie a couple desks away in science vs. actually listening to the teacher's lecture on the reproductive system....

Run your little heart out at volleyball practice, sweating bullets by the end of the 2nd lap vs. hiding in the bathroom, conveniently until the running is over.

Logging on to facebook, just for a couple minutes.... vs. working on that history project that was assigned a week ago that just happens to be due tomorrow.

Going to bed when you know you're tired and you have to wake up for church in the morning vs. writing a blog at 11:45 pm.

Versus. What will you choose?

Days Go By

Whew! Gotta remember how to breathe. So much to remember! But so little time.
Days fly by, I've got to spend them wisely. Each day that passes, I'll never get back.
Does what I'm doing matter? Or am I wasting precious time? Limited time.
Competitions arise in my mind. Making the right choice is essential.
Make the wrong one, & I'll always wonder what would have happened if I'd made the right one.
Wear a smile, when I'm frowning inside. I can't let everyone know how weak I am.
Not enough hours in the day, can the clock hand move any faster??
If I'm not careful, I'll look back in 20 years and say, "What have I done?"
Everything that's important to me now, the sun in my solar system,
Will that matter when my time has run out?
All my success, my failures, & embarrassing mistakes...how will they shape me to be who I am?